You can be a million miles apart emotionally while in the same bed and as close as the next heartbeat even though you are separated by miles or time. Have you ever had the experience of feeling really separated or far apart from your partner even though you were within touching distance? Have you ever felt close to someone that you see infrequently or don’t really know that well?
How can you explain this paradox? I have had both experiences in my life on more than one occasion and I have tried to determine the root of this closeness and distance paradox. I don’t have a definitive answer, but I think I am getting closer to the core of the issue.
There are several types of closeness or distance. There is: physical, emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual, and psychological. I have felt really close emotionally to someone yet a million miles apart physically. I have felt a great valley of distance between someone spiritually yet a closeness in other areas. How about you – had the same experiences? If you are in a relationship and do not feel close to your significant other or partner in any of the above ways I suggest you consider the value of this relationship on your path through the rest of your life and how to change this or what it demonstrates in the overall picture of your relationship needs or agendas.
The real problem here is when we are close in some ways and distant in others. For example, if you have a greater need for more affection, emotional closeness or romance and your significant other has a greater need for better financial security and no need for the romance or emotional closeness, you will never bridge this gap focusing on a totally unrelated common area in your relationship or pretending it doesn’t exist or doesn’t really matter. You will tend to bring the unresolved resentments, baggage, expectations, guilt etc. into the other areas of your relationship contributing to greater distance and more dysfunction. You may not do this consciously, but you will certainly do it unconsciously.
I am just asking you to spend some time considering where you are close and far apart in a current relationship and its impact on the overall relationship and each of your relationship needs and expectations. If you don’t evaluate on a practical basis the positives and negatives on any relationship you may be heading for serious disappointment.